The Reality of Referral

K asks, "What was the reality like vs. what you anticipated? How do you feel now?"

Great question. Well, a part of me imagined the picture perfect day...you know, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I would fall in love with her photo the split second I saw it. But, I've had 3+ years to read other families stories, research, and have all kinds of things that could go wrong swirling around in my head. All of the What ifs? Everyday led up to this one day, this one call, where China would say, YES, we want you to be a mom to one our Children! Then comes the worry that I will never get the call or they would decide to pass on me, a single mom, to a mom that also comes with a dad. So, even though my "anticipated" version of referral day had the sun shining and the birds singing...most of the anticipation was riddled with worry.

The reality!! I should have known. It was COLD. It was rainy. There was no sunshine and no birds singing. I was really, really sick still and a few days prior, there was almost an emergency room visit. (thank god the medical aid unit fixed me up). The boards were eerily quiet. Me and all my LID girls were trying to speculate and wondering where everyone was. Then BAM, I get that call...which I hang up on. My heart was literally pounding out of my chest!!! As I drive home I call some friends...I just needed some chatter to get me home. I had no details at all...not even "It's a GIRL". I was off the charts on the crazy meter with my chatter! I was all over the place. (sorry, I told half of this post in an earlier one)

Anyway, I knew that I would be unable to focus (true) and that I really wasn't paying any attention to what my family advisor was saying...I just kept agreeing. My respiratory issues were taken over by adrenaline (thank god) but my heart kept pounding sooo hard. I swore a couple of times the video mic picked up on it! LOL. I didn't cry. Big things I don't cry about but stupid Hallmark Commercials I'll need an entire box of tissues. This was a big thing. No tears but my insides almost burst when I saw her face. It was instant! China said YES and she was the most BEAUTIFUL child I've ever seen and she was MINE. Yup, it was way better than I ever thought it would be! In my heart, it WAS the MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY! I didn't need the sun or the birds, just her!

How do you feel now? LUCKY, LUCKY, and oh, did I say LUCKY!!!!!!