***update***
I just want to clarify my stand a bit more. I don't hate "gotcha" and I was fine with it during most of the wait. After all, it's just a word and it's the intent that counts. I feel you/family/friends can say anything as long as the intent is good. However, a small part of me always did feel that Gotcha was the same as snatched. It wasn't until I started reading adoptees thoughts on the word. It's their voice that is making me rethink this. I'm an adult and I find this topic easy to process. On the flip side, our children aren't coming from our point of view, they are coming from theirs...the only one they know. I'm trying really hard to understand their point of view and help them in anyway I can. :)
I've been thinking about the term Gotcha Lately. For those of you in the IA world, I'm curious to your thoughts. Personally, I'm not into the term and I'm looking for an alternative. I do admit that when I am speaking with an IA parent, I use it because it's such a quick reference but like I said, I'm looking for an alternative term.
I read an article today and here is a little piece that I wanted to share. (Get Rid of "Gotcha" by Karen Moline)
It didn't surprise me to find that adoptees have a slightly different feeling about all these gushing gotchas. Eight-year-old Becca Lampman, who was adopted from China, said, "It sounds weird to say that—call it ‘Adoption Day' instead." Her 17-year-old sister, Elena, adopted from Romania, agreed: "I wouldn't like hearing ‘Gotcha Day' used in my family. To me, it sounds like someone snatched you away from your birth family, or almost like you are a prize that was won...it has a gloating, ha-ha tone to it."
"We celebrate my Adoption Day, and I like that," she added. "Being adopted is worth celebrating, and ‘Adoption Day' is respectful sounding."
Adult adoptee Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson pointedly asked, "What is being celebrated [on Gotcha Day]? Parenthood and the new family, I guess. But do adoptive parents acknowledge their child's losses at the same time? ‘Gotcha' for parents means ‘lost-ya' for children who have been separated from familiar faces, smells, and surroundings."
As of now, I think I want to call that day "Mommy Daughter" day. Obviously this wouldn't work if there was a daddy involved. Since there is not, this is what I would like to use. I also don't see this day as a great loss of my child's biological parents, rather a loss of and orphanage, caretakers, and a country...familiarity. Let me explain. Her GREATEST loss of her biological parents happened before she entered the orphanage, not on "gotcha". Not to discount what she looses on "gotcha" but they are not as grand and her first loss. I do believe that my MD Day will be joyous day in spirit... a day where a motherless daughter finally gets a mother that will spend her days loving and taking care of her daughter and vice versa. I have hopes that every year on that very day we'll play hooky and do something fun. (at least until she get's older and starts the eye rolling) That's my hope anyway....
So, what do you think of "Gotcha Day"? Will you use this term or another? If so, what are you using?
16 comments:
We know a lot of families that celebrate "Gotcha Day" but we weren't comfortable with that term for several reasons including those that you've posted.
Our paperwork wasn't filled out and filed at the Provincial office until the the morning after we met our little one so we also didn't feel that "Adoption Day" fit either.
As that day had a tremendous impact on every member of our family we chose to celebrate the day we met our daughter as our "Forever Family Day".
I think it's over analyzed too much, personally, and don't see a lot wrong with it. I think it almost sounds cute, and focuses on the positive- the day you received your child and became a family. I think how we educate our adopted children and whether or not we embrace their loss will author how they grow up feeling about the term. I had planned on using it myself, but am not so dead set on it. And technically it's not the day they are adopted, so it's hard to think of more appropriate language. What do you plan on using?
I called it Forever Family Day too because I didn't actually adopt my daughter until the day after I received her in my arms. Then I had a problem with what to call the day for my second daughter. So, I decided that my first daughter's day is Family Day(the day this family was born) and my second daughter's day is Sister Day since it the day they became sisters. I plan to do special things on both.
We have never been particularly fond of the term Gotcha Day. We use it to for the same reasons as you, but have been thinking of another term to use. I think for now we settled on Family day. We plan on not only celebrating the moment we became a family, but all of those who were part of her life before she came to us.
We are going to call it Family Day. I think that is appropriate. :o)
It took me a long time to get used to reading "gotcha day" on the blogs. I've even seen a "metcha day." Besides the obvious terrible grammar, I agree with the reasons that you don't care for it either. I'm leaning toward Adoption Day if the adoption actually takes place on the day we meet, or Family Day. I also like the previous commenter's term Forever Family Day. Forever Family has also has special meaning in my religious faith.
Perhaps something will happen on the day to make it name itself.
We celebrate Family Day since 3/28/06. We were very lucky because the day we met Kelsey was the day her adoption was finalized.
Don't like Gotcha or Metcha because they sound strange or almost sinister.
If Kelsey wants to call it something else when she's older, we'll do that too.
I am not going to use metcha or gotcha either. I am thinking I'll simply call it Natalie's day. I don't want to call it forever family day in case I am lucky enough to add more kids to the family. I think my personalizing as her special day with mommy is the best way to go.
We have "Forever Family Day" at our house. I agree with other comments about "gotcha" and "metcha" just not sounding right. Besides, I sing "Love You Forever" (from the Robert Munsch book), and I like the "forever" part. :)
I have personally never seen anything wrong with "Gotcha".... I guess I likened it to when we were children and upset about something or about to fall, I remember a parent saying "it's okay... I've gotcha now". But with that said, I found myself referring to Gotcha Day as "Gracie Day" and it has stuck!! :)
Lisa
We use Gotcha Day. I've heard some adopted people find it offensive and some don't. No matter what term you use, someone will have something to say about it. When I was little, I used to run down the hill to my father; he'd grab me up and say "Gotcha". When Jason was little, I used to chase him and when I caught him, I'd say "Got you!" When either Jason cried (when he was little) or Jess cries now, I hold them and say I've got them. I like the term Gotcha better than others I've heard and it works for us. To me, "Gotcha" has always meant love, warmth and safety.
We use Forever Family Day...and celebrate it on the day the adoption was finalized (3/28/06). We actually met for our "Harmonious Period" on 3/27/06.
I don't particularly like "gotcha" or "metcha" and we do not use it.
Cheers,
Kim
I haven't really thought much about it yet, but I'm not totally opposed to using "Gotcha" for the day we actually get Lauren. Although, I wouldn't call it "Gotcha Day" for an annual celebration of the occasion. I think we would call it "Adoption Day" or just the day we became a family.
I think using the term "Gotcha" is totally over analyzed and I certainly don't feel it's offensive as others do.
Donna
I hadn't given it much thought - my friend who adopted her daughter approx. 3 years ago was very offended by the words "Gotcha Day" - it doesn't bother me either way.
I can tell you that we are just calling it our daughters Special Day and it will always be a day that we celebrate as a family! My cousin that was adopted use to get a kick out of the fact that she had a special day and her brother who was the bio child didn't and when he would complain she would say Mom & Dad picked me - they got stuck with you!! I have ALWAYS loved that and we plan to celebrate the Special Day as well!!
Connie LID 2/27/06
We will also use FFD "Forever Family Day". When that time gets here!!!
We use "Forever Day"
Never did use Gotcha!
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