So, on a few of my yahoo groups there seems to be the topic of whether or not one adoptive-parent-to-be should/shouldn't approach families that appear to have adopted. I am an Asian Baby Magnet. In such a small state, I have been seeing more and more of these families. I don't have an FCC that I am aware of here in Delaware. So, what do I do. NOTHING.
I am not alone in the world or anything but I just so much want to be friends with someone who has adopted. Please don't get me wrong...I LOVE MY CYBER FRIENDS. You all are my rock... I am sure you know what I mean. (that in person contact) Anyway, most of the families on my yahoo groups just dislike being approached even if it is in a nice way. There are a few members that say they don't mind but most do not want to be bothered but tolerate it. I don't want to bother anyone. So, this weekend at a yardsale...there is a little Asian girl with Caucasian Parents. They looked like such a sweet and happy family. Did I want to just blurt out that she was beautiful and I too am adopting...YES. What did I do?...NOTHING.
Yesterday, I am in a department store on my lunch break and I see a Caucasian Mom with a little Asian Girl carrying around a little plastic photo album of her family. I bet she was adopted, and recently too. Do I do NOTHING again? I must come up with a plan. Ok...I got it. We're both shopping for little girls clothing and I asked what size she was buying for her daughter cause I am wondering what size I might want to buy. If she asked how old is the child I am buying for, I will mention a small size but that I am not totally sure and that I was LID in February. I figured that if she wanted to open up a dialog, it was her call. Sound like a good plan?
Oops. She had no idea what LID was. Now I was totally confused. I'm an idiot. So much for my plan. Once she figured out what the heck I was trying to say, she was chatty kathy. Her daughter had been adopted one month ago from Korea. She did not have to travel, they escorted her daughter to the States. Both mom and daughter were very sweet. We chatted for a while, wished each other well and then said our goodbyes.
A few minutes later she came back and said that she just want to let me know that I will be amazed at how much I will love my daughter and that in the shortest time I will feel as though she had been with me forever. She said that it was amazing how much love she had for her daughter and would die for her and that it would be the best thing I've ever done. She was so emotional and it took my breath away. I had a good cry on the way back to work.
Anyway, I am so glad I bugged her in the store. I guess I just got lucky. Will I approach other in the future. I don't know. But I hope so.
7 comments:
I am an adoptive mom also. Even though our son looks like us (we are all African American) I often see transracial families that I assume have adopted and I want to bond also. I just want to say we adopted also, isnt it wonderful! LOL! I just love sharing. I usually refrain from saying anything because I don't know if people like being bothered in that way. I guess you should sort of take it on a case by case basis. Another person who blogs and is waiting for her daughter from CHina, wrote a simular post and suggested all adoptive families wear a button or something. LOL!
Every time I approach someone (and the Los Angeles area is FILLED with Chinese adoptive families) I say a bit tentatively, "I don't mean to be intrusive, but we're adopting from China and..." and I always get a great, welcoming response. I've found people are happy to share their experience and joy, as I will be when we finally have Kavanna! I say, go for it!!
My son takes an art class and there is a boy that I am assuming is adopted. He is Korean or Chinese, not sure. He walks with crutches and has a limp. He has a younger sister that is also Korean or Chinese, I have seen her when the parents come to pick him up. Do you think that even ONE time I would have the nerve to approach them? NOPE! I even wore my Jan DTC Panda shirt one time, nothing! The boy is about 10 yrs old and I dont want to say anything in front of him. We just petitioned for a SN child and I REALLY want to talk to this dad! I keep hoping to catch the dad in the hallway but to no avail yet!
What sweet sentiments the adoptive mom left you! When I am out with my mom I can't keep her away from Asian children! She loves to go up to the parents and tell them how beautiful their children are and that I am adopting also. This approach has worked well for both of us!
Stephe,
I've also seen several caucasian women with Asian children while out shopping, but am always afraid to approach them because of what I've read on discussion boards and in groups about not wanting to be bothered. I'm always wanting to approach them and never do. I think it's so cool that you actually did and had such a nice encounter...maybe this will give me courage to actually approach someone in the future. Hmmmm, we'll see.
I have to say that one nite my husband and I went out to a nice Chinese rest. we saw a couple with 2 little girls from China...we asked to sit near them and I struggled thru the whole dinner and finally when they were paying the check, I leaned over and said..."I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother but we are waiting for our referral..." and we are now wonderful friends! We go to their home and they actually are coming over tomorrow with the girls. I am so happy to have this new friendship - you just never know...so go for it!!
While I was waiting for my first daughter I approached everyeone and just mentioned their daughter was beautiful and I was waiting on my referral (or waiting on travel). Everyone I met could not have been any nicer, it was just like your experience in the store. They were incredibly sweet and helpful. I was in Target yesterday and saw a mom, grandma and two Chinese children together. When I caught the mom's eye once I smiled and mentioned I also have two from China. Her whole face lit up, and we had a nice little chat for a few minutes.
Anyway, all this to say that I would encourage you to approach more people. What's the worst thing that could happen?
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