Lately, we're struggling with control issues. When G's bottle is empty and I pull if from her mouth she flips out. I believe she thinks that the bottle is NOT empty and I am taking it away from her. So, I've decided to let her feed herself the bottle. I was trying to show her how to hold the bottle upward so that it was easier to drink. G had a different plan. She keeps the bottle practically vertical and literally su.cks all the milk out, sometimes turning the liner inside out. When it's COMPLETELY empty just either tosses the bottle or hands it to me and is completely satisfied that "it" is really empty and she is full. Geesh!! We still keep total eye contact but I am not sure if this is good or not!Control Issues
Lately, we're struggling with control issues. When G's bottle is empty and I pull if from her mouth she flips out. I believe she thinks that the bottle is NOT empty and I am taking it away from her. So, I've decided to let her feed herself the bottle. I was trying to show her how to hold the bottle upward so that it was easier to drink. G had a different plan. She keeps the bottle practically vertical and literally su.cks all the milk out, sometimes turning the liner inside out. When it's COMPLETELY empty just either tosses the bottle or hands it to me and is completely satisfied that "it" is really empty and she is full. Geesh!! We still keep total eye contact but I am not sure if this is good or not!
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12 comments:
I think you're handling it just right! You definitely don't want to make bottle time a battle.
If she'll let you, maybe you could hold her while she drinks or place your hand lightly over hers on the bottle. But making eye contact, engaging her while she drinks, telling her what a good mama she has because her mama gives her her bottle -- all that reinforces your involvement.
It's okay to give her some of the control she wants -- as long as you reinforce that you have ultimate control when it really counts (keeping her safe, etc.).
She'll catch on the the tipping UP thing after she watches you drinking for awhile. :)
Gayle
I think I'd make her let you do some holding. Even if it is your hand over her's. If you can, don't feed her the bottle in the high chair, hold her, that way you can snuggle her, let her hold the bottle, but you put your hand over her's. They can show her how to tilt the bottle up a tad.
It sounds like she is using the bottle as a security and she doesn't need to get used to keeping it in her mouth. Just think, that is probably all she knew that gave her comfort, so she is clinging to that. Let her know that YOU are giving her comfort.
Has she taken to a lovey? After bottle, hand her the lovey and snuggle some more. Let her know when bottle time is up, it is time to put it down.
I definitely recommend holding her any time she has a bottle. If you read My Chinese Dream, http://mychinesedream.blogspot.com/ ,you will know that Mali has been diagnosed with RAD and there are several things that can be done at an early age to help prevent this.
My agency STRONGLY suggests "regressing" all adopted children, regardless of age, who were in orphanages so help make connections in their brains in a certain sequence that would normally have been made if you'd had them from birth. From all I've read and studied from books to blogs to being with families who've adopted kids, I have to say my agency is right on with their advice in at least 95% of the cases.
In the U.S. we tend to pride ourselves on how independent our children are and this happens from the start. The first big baby deal is "Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?" "Can she hold her own bottle?" "Is she potty trained yet?" "Does she still cry when you drop her at daycare?" "Are you putting her into preschool when she turns 2?"
We never ask with pride, "How often do you have to bring your baby into bed with you?" "How many times a day do you hold your baby's bottle and snuggle her?"
My agency suggests caring for the child like a newborn baby. After reaching that state, then begin the normal process of teaching independence.
I'd highly recommend you help her learn to accept food on YOUR terms . . . & that you hold/feed her. She's got to learn to trust you as her Mom, and she may offer you some fierce resistance.
I've got some great books on attachment parenting - wish I had found them 3 years ago! I would've followed the guidlines all along - not b/c I suspected Mali had issues, but just b/c she spent time in an institution & I knew she missed out early on.
E mail me if u'd like more info, I'd be more than happy to share.
(AlisonMED@aol.com)
Was she in foster care? I wonder if other children have stolen her bottle before?
Natalie wanted to hold her own bottle too during the gorging phase she went through.
I always held Eliza bottle. She still takes a bottle once a day and sometimes I ask her if I can hold it for her. It really does help with bonding and helping them to trust and let go of the control.
Hi mom and G ...I always fed Qiao whilst we were in China and the first week we were home. Then, all if a sudden, she wanted to do it herself. She does sit in my lap but faces out and feeds herself her bottle. We have bonded and have eye contact so I don't feel it's a problem. Sounds like you are handling things just right, mom ....the way G wants to do it. ;)
Hugs,
Lori**
I agree with everything everyone says, but wouldn't stress about it...easier said than done, right? My recommendation is to feed her like an infant as much as possible, if for no other reason than that they grow up so darned fast!! I've had my baby 3 years now, she's about to turn 4. Revel in it while you can!
Like others have said, only feed her a bottle in your arms. It's quite an amazing opportunity for bonding, and they outgrow their bottles quickly. If she's thirsty at a meal, give her a sippy cup, and save the bottles for snuggle time. In a rocking chair preferably. Lots of rocking and lots of eye gazing. :)
And I totally agree with the other poster about reverting back to the "newborn" stage, no matter what the age.
Your daughter is gorgeous!!
Snick :)
dd Sunshine 7 3/4 Viet Nam
dd Brilliance 2 3/4 China
pick your battles but establish yourself as the one in control! She needs someone other than herself to be in control. Hold the bottle with her until she is done. She is so cute. G and I are battling control issues still and are working it out in therapy. I gave her too much as a baby out of mother's guilt.
Ha!!! The control issues have just begun, Mama! Thinking of you (and empathizing!)=)
Our daughter came home at 24 mos. and wanted to do the bottle holding. I had read many articles on the attachment process and followed them, even when dd wanted to do her own thing. We rocked, we did the baby food feeding, used a carrier etc. and today she has just turned 4 and is doing great! We are now experienceing a lot more control issues, but I do know that some of them are age appropiate.
Anyway, you have some great advice here and it works. Your little G is like a newborn in so many ways and isn't it great that you have the opportunity to nurture her from that point on!!
She is a beauty. Enjoy her!
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