QUESTIONS ADOPTED CHILDREN ASK:

Check the adoptive families' magazine. There was a great article in jan /feb 2007

IN THE BEGINNING.

BIRTH PARENTS
Do you know them?
What are their names?
Why don't you know their names?
What do I call my birthmother? Birthfather?
Can you describe them physically? Like were they tall? Short?
What are their ethnic backgrounds?
How did they make me?
How old were they when they had me?
Were they married?
Do you have photos?
Do you have any pictures of their house or can you describe it for me?
Did they work?
What language did they speak?
Where are they today?
Do you have their address?
Can I draw a picture of what I think they looked like then? Now?
Can I draw what I think their house looked like, or the hospital where
I was born?
Can I write them a letter? Visit?

BIRTH FAMILY
Do I have grandparents?
Did you meet them?
Do you know their names?
Do you know anything about them?
Did they visit me?
Can I meet them?
Do I have brothers and sisters?
Do you know their names, where they are?
Do you know if they live with my birthparents? Why not me if they do?
What language do they speak?
Were they adopted like me? By who? Are they still my brother(s),
sister(s)?
Do I have other aunts, uncles and cousins? Can I meet them?

THEN I GREW..

GESTATION
What happened during the 9 months I was growing inside my birthmother?
Did I learn about what she sounded like?
Did I smell the things she smelled? Did I enjoy the foods she ate?
Did I hear the beat of her heart and feel the rhythm of her walk?
Could I tell when she slept and when she worked?
When she worried could I feel this too?
During the first three months what did I look like?
During the second three months what did I do?
Finally, during the last three months what happened?

AND I WAS BORN.

BIRTH
What was my birth name?
How do you spell it? How do you pronounce it?
Why did you change my name?
What is my birthdate? Do you know for sure or did someone guess?
How do they guess anyway?
Who named me at birth?
Does it have a meaning like a family name or a flower?
What day of the week was I born on?
What was the weather like that day?
What was the first language I heard?
Do you have my birth certificate?
Was I big or little (reference appropriate standards)?
Do you think I had any hair?
What color were my eyes?
Was I healthy? Why not?
Was I born in a hospital? At home? Why don't you know?
Was I breast-fed?

THEN THERE WAS LIVING.WITH WHOM? WHERE?

BIRTHPARENTS
Did I live with my birthparents for any time?
What was it like?
Do you have any documents that tell a story?

FOSTER PARENTS
What did I call my foster mother? Foster father? Foster Grandparents?
Did I have more than one foster family? Why?
What are their names?
Can you tell me about them?
Do you have photos?
Do you have any photos of their house?
What language did they speak?
Where are they today? Do you have their address? Can I talk to my
foster parents?

FOSTER SIBLINGS
Do I have foster brothers and sisters?
What are their names?
Where are they? Are they adopted too?
Can I see them?

CARETAKERS
Did I have a special caretaker? What was her name?
Where do they live now? Can I talk to her?
Was she important to me? How?

OTHER KIDS WHO WERE LIKE SIBLINGS TO ME
What do I call them? Brothers, Sisters?
What are there names?
Where do they live now? Can I talk to them?
Were they adopted too?
Can we find them? Visit them?

WHAT WAS THE WORLD AROUND ME LIKE, BEFORE I MET YOU?

IMMEDIATE SURROUNDINGS
What did the world around me look like?
Did I live in a family house? An apartment? An orphanage?
Where was it located? A city, town or village?
Do you have pictures you can show me?
What was it like?
Did I have toys?
How did it smell and feel to you?
Were the people taking care of me happy?
Were they nice?
Were people smiling?
Were babies crying?
How many children lived there and how old were they?

HERITAGE
What can you tell me about my country of origin?
Are there interesting things about it? Does it have a long history?
What kinds of cultural things would I find interesting?
How do they educate the kids?
What kinds of religions do they practice? Is this different than ours?
Are there special foods? Special anything?
What are some social customs I might find interesting?
Tell me about political issues.
Tell me about cultural issues.

WHY WAS I AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION?
Why couldn't I live with my birthparents?
Why did they make me?
What does "parental rights terminated" mean?
What is "abandonment"?
Did my birthparents just walk out of the hospital without me?
How can a mother or father just leave a baby?
Wouldn't someone bad take the baby if they were just left?
What is an adoption plan?
How do the police just take a kid from their home?
Did my birthparents die?
Do parents leave babies if they are too much work?
Who took care of me when they left me?
What was my life like when they left me?
Were there financial issues? Tell me about it.
Why didn't family members, like grandparents, help my birthparents
keep me?
Why didn't they take care of me?
What is alcoholism? Drug abuse?
What is poverty?
What is neglect?
What is abuse?
How can parents go to jail?
How can someone live on a street?
Once I know my story I might ask "How can someone leave a kid alone,
sometimes for days, and without food?"

FINALLY.

Why Did YOU Adopt ME?

Created by Doris Landry, MS, and Mary Ellyn Lambert, FRUA-MI
(from "Adoption-Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections",
EMK Press)

All of these questions can be addressed in the lifebook. Some answers lie within your children's personal information. Some questions can only be answered by writing a general statements or left as open- ended questions.