Well, in photos it is, right? lol
I had stopped by a fellow IA mom's blog last week, Wendy, and she talked about issue with her child and how not many bloggers post the hard stuff. It's because you always have those JERKS that post something rude and that what makes most of us not post. So we just stick with the fun parts of life. I rarely even toss words in anymore...just pics. Anyway, the irony of my reading her post was that I had a weekend with some issues!!!
IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL...
It's hard for those reading this that don't know me personally. I am usually super consistent and pride myself on nipping bad behavior in the bud. 95% of the time, G is close to a model child...it's just that DARN 5% that I have to work on with her...
As some of you know, the biggest issues I have with G is her temper tantrums. You saw at our reunion in Amelia…how if someone took something away from her she would throw herself down on the floor and wail. She seems to think it’s all about her 24/7…and mostly it is but I still need to set boundaries. I’m pretty consistent with rules and stuff but this weekend…oye.
So, we were at a children’s resale. She was FAB. She had enough sleep and a great breakfast on the go…she ate in her stroller as I shopped. Then there was a flea market outside the school. I asked her if she wanted to go. She said yes. I said “stroller or no stroller” and she picked “no stroller”. She did great for about 15 minutes and really, really enjoyed looking at all the stuff. Then we get to a section with all Glass and she keeps wanting to pick up. I tell her not to touch and to hold my hand in this section. Well…
The strong willed defiant child of mine threw herself down in the parking lot and began her drama queen routine. I told her to get up right now or we are leaving and I wasn’t playing. She huffed at me and continued. So I scooped her up and this CRAZY child kicked, whaled her arms and screamed bloody murder all the way to the car. It didn’t stop. She kept SCREAMING “I go shopping”. We are stopped at a red light and the car next to us has their windows down too and can hear G. They actually looked like “moms” and seemed to sympathize but started giggling when they realized she was SCREAMING “I GO SHOPPING!!!!!” This lasted 48 minutes. She had almost completely lost her voice and the only reason it stopped was she managed to kick her heal at the stroller and make her blister pop and bleed. Then she cried softly because “I BLEEDING” and pleaded with me to fix her boo-boo.
However, this is NOTHING compare to last night…
Bed time. Actually 20 minutes past bedtime…I tell her we are going to bed. She says, “no, I go watch movie” and runs and turns on the TV and pushes the movie in to start. I tell her “no, it’s bedtime, you have school in the morning” Now the drop to the floor happens and the wailing starts. We already had her in her jammies and she’d had a bath and done her teeth so I scooped her up, took her upstairs and put her in her crib. I almost dropped her on the steps from her kicking and flailing hands. Anyway, I put her in her crib still SCREAMING and she backs up and to my surprise…CHARGES ME AND SLAMS HER HAND INTO MY CHEST AND KNOCK ME TO THE FLOOR. (I swear I’m not kidding) Actually I didn’t get all the way to the floor as I grabbed the bed next to the crib on my way down. I got up only for her to back up and do it again. I blocked her. I thought I was in the twilight zone. She did it three more times screaming BLOODY MURDER AND CHARGING ME as hard as possible. After the second two times I was actually shoving back a bit but not hard enough to make her fall in her crib but more as a warning to back off.
Bed time. Actually 20 minutes past bedtime…I tell her we are going to bed. She says, “no, I go watch movie” and runs and turns on the TV and pushes the movie in to start. I tell her “no, it’s bedtime, you have school in the morning” Now the drop to the floor happens and the wailing starts. We already had her in her jammies and she’d had a bath and done her teeth so I scooped her up, took her upstairs and put her in her crib. I almost dropped her on the steps from her kicking and flailing hands. Anyway, I put her in her crib still SCREAMING and she backs up and to my surprise…CHARGES ME AND SLAMS HER HAND INTO MY CHEST AND KNOCK ME TO THE FLOOR. (I swear I’m not kidding) Actually I didn’t get all the way to the floor as I grabbed the bed next to the crib on my way down. I got up only for her to back up and do it again. I blocked her. I thought I was in the twilight zone. She did it three more times screaming BLOODY MURDER AND CHARGING ME as hard as possible. After the second two times I was actually shoving back a bit but not hard enough to make her fall in her crib but more as a warning to back off.
SERIOUSLY. SOMETHING INVADED MY CHILD. I was in shock. I’ve thought I’d seen it all. This was not, could NOT, have been normal. At this point I don’t care if it’s adopted related or age related. It was wrong on so many levels and if it keeps up, we will most definitely have to seek help. I cannot stress how much I thought it was above and beyond any kind of tantrum. I am praying that it was a fluke and her testing the ultimate boundaries. I did still tell her I loved her and rubber her back in the crib when she succumbed. She awoke at around midnight and was screaming…. She was even more mad when she saw me. I took her out of the crib and forced some snuggle time and gave her a thousand kisses and just as I thought she was good she says “I GO WATCH MOVIE”! Are you kidding me!! She awakes like nothing happened and she’s a happy girl. OMG!
(OLDER PHOTO OF MY BABY)
So, to all of you that think the grass is greener...well...maybe it is...IN THE PHOTOS!!!!
Feel free to comment with advice. If you have nothing nice say...keep it to yourself. Thanks.
12 comments:
They actually looked like “moms” and seemed to sympathize but started giggling when they realized she was SCREAMING “I GO SHOPPING!!!!!”
I have to admit, that made me giggle. Just wait until she's a teenager! This "I go shopping" could become quite expensive.
As for whether or not it's age related or adoption related, it's hard to say. At any rate, it takes guts to share stuff like this and it seems that this might be the first step in getting some help. Maybe someone here will be able to offer you a suggestion that worked for them.
Best of luck to the both of you. She's still one of the most beautiful babies in all of bloggyland!
I would comment but Jamie is starting to fuss! :) I will be back later!!!!
My only advice is that when she is calm, tell her you don't like it when she....and explain what she did that you don't like. Tell her that when she does X that THIS (whatever you decide) will happen. For me it was a time-in, in her room (I was there).
Did she have new food that might have caused this explosive behaviour? You said she'd had a "good breakfast" but was it anything new? I know if my oldest has any tartrazine, she's a goner! Skittles are a big NO-NO! And it took me forever to figure that out. Like years!
Best,
Snick
dd Sunshine 9 Vietnam
dd Brilliance 4 China
Wow this is tough! Tate has done a few SCREAMING fits that just freaks me out. At these times I do a little hold therapy... seems to help after the initial screaming fit is over.
I think it is a combination of being two and adoption. You sound like you are doing an amazing job... Hang in there things will be getting better.
Bless you sweet Mama! I don't have any real advice, but want to support you. I think Snickerdoodle is right, when she is calm, speak with her about it. Hitting is a huge no no in our house. She sounds like she is testing boundaries and you sound like you are doing a great job with her. Hang in there my dear.
Blessings
Bless your heart! I too have a two year old from China - adopted this past December. She is the ultimate drama kid herself. If I ever tell her no, she drops to the floor, no matter where we are, and throws a fit. This was especially evident when we went to the beach with our family and we had to come in from the water. She wailed like your Giorgia did. However, I have never had her charge me like that but she has hit me. I too do the holding therapy which she hates with a passion. Most other days, she is the sweetest easiest little girl who loves to hug and sing and dance. To me I think it is just that they cannot control what is going on and don't have the vocabulary to voice their frustration. I am just hoping, like you, that it is just a boundary thing. You are doing RIGHT. She has to know that you will not tolerate her behavior but still love her. Man being a single mom is hard sometimes, huh? BTW, I'm friends with Sharon and Mary Alice in Orlando. Take care,
Tricia Thompson
www.tmifamily.com
No advice, but I am experiencing the same situation with Lilli Ting. I keep thinking something is wrong with her, seriously...but everyone keeps telling me it is the age - something they go thru. It has been so hard taking her out to dinner now - I am trying be as patient as I can. She actually tossed a hanger at me the day while getting dressed in the morning and I had a huge, black and blue, swollen lip from her. Deep breaths...this has got to be a phase (please God)! Megi
Hang in there, Queen Mama! Everyone has tough times and big questions (adoption or age related?).
I think you're wise to explore options and consider getting help if things don't improve.
I enjoy hearing your stories and seeing your pictures...your princess is so lovely! And our little Guangdong girlie can be headstrong, too! You're not alone on the drama front...
Hi Steph, You don't know me, but I am a huge fan of your blog. Since the beginning, before Gigi came to be. I love everything about your blog: the way you write, the pictures, the links, helpful information, everything is so well thought out.
In a way, I have to say that for a long time the grass looked very green on your side of the fence. I am also a parent of a little Chinese girl, who I thought was a strong willed child, but maybe she is not. The reason I'm writing is just to give you the name of a book, that may be handy from these tender years to teanager years. You will quickly find out that you are not alone and some of your guilt feelings are shared with so many other parents. Being a strong willed child is not a disease or a disorder. That only means that they are very hard to parent and require a Very Strong Willed Parent too. Anyways, the name of the book is The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson.
I hope you find the reading helpful and I wish you and Gigi all the best.
Blessings,
abccloud.blogspot.com
We have had a few episodes of this and believe the culprit to be you won't believe it M&M's she has only had them maybe 5 times or less and each time she because this "other" person and screaming like nothing I have ever seen, when it wears off she says I am sorry Mommy ...the 2 times she has had nightmares she had snuck hershey kisses 1 each time...just a thought may be more complicated than just chocolate...but she doesn't get much and might not get any more :)stay strong!
One time we were at a Chinese restaurant, the kind where you order off a menu. I asked Natalie what kind of soup she wanted while we were waiting. When we sat down, they handed up menus and she freaked out. We left because it was a nice place and I was with about 10 of my co-workers.
30 minute ride home, she is screaming and foaming at the mouth. Seriously. Know why?
The server handed us menus instead of soup. I put her to bed at 6:30 with no dinner in her regular clothes. Closed the door, told her I didn't want to hear a peep until morning. She pouted, fused at me in gibberish but I didn't go back in her room until morning. Then she told me I had forgotten her PJs. Short memory huh?
The older she gets, the easier it will be!
It does sound normal, but at the extreme end. You handled it very well. I agree with Snickerdoodle, try talking about it when she's calm, especially about hurting you.
If it's age related, it might help to tighten the boundries a little more. As they grow and explore, we expand the boundaries, then they often go through a testing and regression phase where we need to tighten them up again a little until they are secure again.
I just read a GREAT book about parenting our adopted children as they get older. It's called Our Own: adopting and parenting the older child by trish Maskew. It's the best book I've read so far because it talks about the adoption issues and give detailed, practical solutions to recognizing them or asking certain things in certain ways that give our kids the opportunity to open the door on their true feelings. For example, instead of saying, "Throwing temper tantrums is not a good way to behave." You might say instead, "When some kids feel sad, they act mad instead. Were you really sad when you acted mad?"
Due to G's age, she probably won't be able to sort her feelings to a fine enough degree to separate sad and mad yet, but the book can give you some good help in looking for the triggers that bring on her tantrums.
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